The Flannel Suit
By Tim Hazell
1.Let her down
Let her down
They have completed
That is all
Someone must be there
Someone was always there
Friends are looking at their shoes
I turn toward the sun
It has no memory
no warmth
poker face
I begin to shout
I reel arcing
friends
become toys
Service
drops
stagnant
It ripples
It’s over
The little group breaks
says goodbye
so sorry
Other business to attend
A little wind springs up
Full of teeth
We hug ourselves
Cover our mouths
A normal day for those outside the fence
That is all
That is all
2.
Dead fish frozen in rock
In a shop
forever jumping cataract
I stand reflected in the glass display case
My watch has a pulse
It’s quarter to three
My mouth feels pasty
I want to exchange my squalid clothes
For those of a passerby
What is it I really want?
To stand here forever?
In front of the display case?
My reflection stares back
Rumpled, quizzical, sly
Fish rotate in their limestone block
Time is quarter to three...
3.
I exercise
As the barbells lift
Horses jump over trees
Everything tightens
Joints crack, I sweat
Drive my fingers
Into a green apple
Pause in the middle of a routine
To listen for
another human being
Countless evenings like this
Expect nothing
Try to feel nothing at all
I feel loss
My love takes the shape of a portal
Switch off humanness
Navigate by instinct
The door is burning
I touch hardware
Wood sweats, metal red
Push on into the labyrinth
4.
Season hangs dark green and liquid above
I walk rudderless for hours
Down rain-slick streets
Hearing music
Leak from houses
Surfaces rough
Wind blows me about
I walk and walk
I walk and walk
I walk and walk
And never fall down
I look into a vacant lot
And see a man
Someone must be there
Someone was always there
I cry out
Filling with his pieces
I walk toward him
Through a rain of needles
Picking them up
We close the gap
I have needles in all my pockets
Home in on his voice
The infra red
Season hangs dark green and liquid above
Stars would have me weep
Someone must be there
Try to speak
We struggle
I expend all needles
His heat ebbs...
It is raining, nothing more I can do
I walk on forever and do not drown
5.
In my room I wait
For the car to arrive
My friends emerge from my mouth
As I discuss them
Small electric blue flames
I gaze into the mirror
My younger self hovers in air
About to embark on a journey
To try to achieve something
Out of the ordinary
Carelessly dressed, pure of heart
In what landscape of desolation
Will he lose his road?
I wait for the car to come up the drive
It is very quiet
This will not take long
I lean back into the fabric of the chair
Reminisce
We are boating at night
On a quiet northern lake
Our light sends warm yellow beams
Out into mist
I row with measured, fluid strokes
A thin film forms
On the skin of my back
The paddles are of white pine
They leave and re-enter water
Small silent eddies bob up
Ripple off in their wake
A breeze has sprung up
And is playing with my wife's hair
I let go the oars awhile and we drift
Lost in ourselves
It is then I first begin to notice
The large round lilies growing
Just beneath the surface of the water
6.
Three passersby have stopped
In front of a baby carriage
Peering inside as if dumbstruck
Pulled up by their roots!
I see this on the first day of the trial
While leaving the car
I must do something
Or the tension will become unbearable
I allow a hedge
Tension mounts in my hands
I thrust them inside
My hands concealed up to the wrists
What lies hidden deep within?
A sausage maker
Pincers
Scissors
The dead hands of my wife?
The volumes of her face?
7.
I occupy a seat
In the government building
Watching all the jurors
Their faces sag lumps of dough
It's far too warm and we're melting
Melting away
My lawyer
Wears the most peculiar expression
Whenever he speaks
Beads of sweat pop
I try to focus on the proceedings
They seem to take a very long time
I look up at the ceiling fans
We all look up, chickens drinking
I close my eyes
Permit a cooling vision
To sustain me
8.
Come back to the sound of the gavel!
An acquittal!
Divine justice!
Why can't I leap off the bench?!
I feel a handshake
We are ushered out of the stifling room
A man a woman
Coming toward me down the corridor
Arm in arm
Making slow arthritic progress
My parents
Features solidifying
As they draw near
Father’s collar is too tight
Uncomfortable in his suit
Mother’s grey eyes
Pool behind steel-rimmed bifocals
They wear distances and fatigue
Patient roadbeds
I owe them something...
An embrace?
WHAT HAS HAPPENED?!
I can’t believe it!
What did I want?!
What did I expect?!
I’ve been discharged
My case no longer of interest
My eyes adjust to the glare
Sirens scream, sunshot chrome
I feel displaced
Someone must be there
Someone was always there
I want to run back inside
Present some new, damning evidence
Guilty! Guilty!
Open my veins, the blood is BLACK!
There is a STAIN on my shirt!
I've been discharged
My case no longer of interest
No one knows my face
I descend the steps
Like everyone else
A man of medium height
In a flannel suit
Only a man in a shiny suit
The street is unfamiliar
Someone must be there
Someone must be there
Someone was always there